Hey, @spook! Dirk here from the Shopify Social Care Team!
What we'll need to do from here is verify your account so we can go over some things. For this, I have sent an email to the email listed on your Forums account with the subject "Shopify Forums Support." If you can reply there with the requested information then we can look into this further.
If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know.